The Wonderful World of Moo

I...

I would like to believe that everything is perfect. I would like to believe that the past doesn't matter and what is done is done but it's not always that easy. Okay, I hold grudges and dwell on what people say but that's who I am. I beat myself up inside till I'm black and blue. Again, that is me. The naïve part of me tells me that I can hide away and everything will sort itself out and you know what, sometimes I wish it would.

I miss looking forward to coming home at the end of the day - now I feel there's nothing to look forward to there. I miss spending time with my mum and sometimes I wish she was around more than she is. I understand that she has to work and she works so damn hard to give us all the things we have now, as she's the only earner in my house but sometimes I wish she was here more for no other reason than her just being here. It seems as though my home has become a place where most of us don't want to be anymore, which makes it feel empty.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen from one day to the next, whether he will be there when I wake up or when I come home from school, how long it will be, how many more Christmas' are left and if this one is the last. At the same time I can't forget what he said to me, maybe he was hating seeing me grow up, maybe he was trying to prtoect me in some weird way but I can't forget what was said.

I can't forget, I can't let go maybe that's the problem. If I said I didn't care I would be lying, because I do.

posted by Asha J @ 4:59 am