The Wonderful World of Moo

Down time...

Note: This is me having a rant about me, my life and stuff that's cluttering my head. I just need to vent, it may make no sense to anyone but me so yeh...

Maybe it's because exam results are on Thursday, maybe it's because I've been spending time by myself lately and have had too much time to think... I guess I've needed some 'me' time, time to think and to spend some time with my family which has all been cool. I mean don't get me wrong sometimes I need to be by myself to think and I like to alone sometimes, I think everyone needs that. (Totally off subject but today I made a chocolate cake and as stupid as this sounds, was quite proud of myself with how it turned out. Random I know.)

But I hate the way I can slip into this place. I can't really describe it but I get low. I mean I seem confident on the outside but I'm not sure I am, a lot of the time I don't think much of myself but then again I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks like that. Maybe I beat myself up too much, I mean I find it really hard to let go and move on. I think that's because a lot of things I have encountered in my life that aren't so good are constant or seem that way.

I was tidying my room yesterday and I found something I had written a while ago and at that time I had hit rock bottom, I was so confused. To read that made me feel quite sad as I realised it wasn't the first time I had written something like that.

Don't get me wrong there are things in my life that I am ever so thankful for and make my life so much better. Every cloud has it's silver lining and so does mine but sometimes my cloud is black. I get into this phase were I want to just hide and cry and think I'm not worth what I have, I can't really describe it, it's such a confusing feeling. And it's so hard to explain how it feels and what I'm feeling. But you can usually read my moods like a book even if I don't say it, I'm not good at hiding what I truley feel, to people who know me well.

I was thinking the other day that if my results are bad I don't quite know what I will do. I mean they may be good but I don't feel as though I have.

My best friend is coming round tomorrow and hopefully we will have a good time, actually I think we will. Maybe that's what I need.

posted by Asha J @ 7:33 PM