The Wonderful World of Moo

Things I have learnt this year...

2007-12-31T21:24:00.000Z

Where am I?...

2007-05-13T17:41:00.000Z

Where am I?

Maybe I lost myself somewhere along the way. Maybe I have forgotten who I am. I must have closed my eyes and woken up somewhere else. It's like a dream, maybe I imagined those words you said, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe you've forgotten who you were. Now we're walking around in empty shells and foreign bodies, we've forgotten how we feel, how to feel, how we felt.

Where am I? Who are you? What happened?

Time...

2007-03-04T19:13:00.000Z

I have been finding there is not enough time lately to do anything. I have been in and out of my room at university since I got back last Sunday (after going home for the weekend). It seems that piles of work keep magically appearing one after the other. Perhaps there should be an extra day or a couple of extra hours added onto the end of the week to get things done.

The search for the "perfect" home...

2007-02-24T23:48:00.000Z

So, I'm moving out of halls in July and in the 2nd year I am moving into a house :S (scary stuff). They say looking for a house is stressful and boy they weren't lying!

After viewing house after house they start to blurr together and it's hard to decifer which one was which, which had that nice garden etc. etc. The truth is, though we have found our house, I don't think we were ever going to find the "perfect" one. I think my expectations were set too high and I wanted something which resembled my house at home or maybe something I hope to live in, in the future. I guess once we make this house our own (minus the poster of the semi-naked woman on the door of the living room, from the previous inhabitance) it will be much nicer. On the plus side I get a double bed in the second largest room :D, which after living in a box room for years on end is a bit of a novelty. On the down side I don't like our cooker or the bathroom but as my mum said I won't be living in the bathroom lol. We can now stop looking and agonising over which house was better and whether we need a garden or not. For now, touch wood, it all seems to be coming together, I guess we'll just have to see what happens next...

New year, new me?...

2007-01-07T00:00:00.000Z

Well as it's a new year I guess its time for a new blog layout . A few things have changed since I last wrote a blog entry all those long months ago but I'm still the same old me. One change is that I am now residing at university, studying English, which I love but oh the essays lol! However, despite these changes I am still lamenting on life and the world around me. All these physical changes and no change to me on the outside but I guess I have changed in some ways on the inside. But that's for another blog at another time, hopefully not the same time next year ;). For now Happy New Year and enjoy...

Remember... ©

2006-10-13T12:47:00.000Z

Remember when you smiled at me,
Remember when you held my hand,
Remember when we first kissed,
Remember those first feelings,
Remember that first time.

Remember us,
Remember me,
Remember how it used to be...

It's true...

2006-08-31T19:16:00.000Z

I read this quote here:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

And I guess I give my consent to that a lot...

Giving ©

2006-05-11T16:29:00.000Z

I gave you my heart and you held it,
Softly, protecting it from harm.
I gave you my smile and you warmed to it,
Willing it with your charm.
I told you my dreams and you captured them,
To try and make my dreams come true.
I gave you my sadness and you wiped away my tears,
To stop me from feeling blue
I told you I was scared, you took my hand,
To make the feeling go away.
I gave you my love, I gave you me,
And I hope that's how it will stay.

I am the girl who...

2006-01-09T17:20:00.000Z

* Loves a boy and thinks the world of him
* Trusts people and opens up to them too easily
* Is judgemental and over critical
* Is loud on the outside but whose inside is different
* Gets hurt too easily
* Take things personally even if it's not about me
* Over analyses a situation way too much
* Wishes her life was different but doesn't all the same
* Tries too hard
* Worries what other people think
* Sings when I think no one can hear me
* Finds it hard to make up her mind
* Lies awake at night
* Never stops thinking
* Wants to please everyone
* Can count the number of people who I consider my real friends, on one hand
* Just wants to be loved

Uncluttering...

2005-12-26T10:44:00.000Z

N.B This is me uncluttering my head, needing a ramble, so yeh...

Why is it that one person or one thing can change your life forever? Why is it that one second can make the difference of a lifetime? Why is it when you're in a crowd of people you still feel alone? Why do we make so much effort to get nothing in return? Why is it that we get so caught up in trying to please other people that we forget about ourselves? Why is it when you want to say something the words don't come out? Why is it when you eventually do they come out all wrong? Why does questioning things never make it any better?

"Tomorrow it may change
Tomorrow it may change ..."

I wish I was, I wish I wasn't...

2005-12-04T15:44:00.000Z

In some ways it makes me sad to say goodbye to yesterday...

It's funny how some of our most missed memories are those of our childhood. In some ways I like getting older and in some ways I miss how things used to be. Like when I was younger my parents used to make decisions for me and now I have to make up my mind for myself. If it get it wrong then I only have myself to blame. Sometimes I wonder if I am making the right decision, I have never been to good at it either and now it really is up to me.

On the other hand it gives me more freedom and I am no longer wrapped up as much in cotton wool as I used to be. My dad has in some respects has learnt that I am very head strong. My mum is now able to tell me things that she never could and as much as she sometimes tells me too much about things, it makes her feel better to get things off her chest. I don't tell her everything but I'm glad I can talk to her and have that option.

When I was younger I used to live in this little bubble, kind of like my own world. I thought that nothing could harm me and that my mum and dad would always be there. I remember watching 'Jack and the Beanstalk' when I was around 3 or 4, I think and crying when the giant fell and died. I told my mum that I didn't want her to get old and die and she told me that everyone has to die one day.

I guess in some ways I'm clinging onto how things used to be and wishing they wouldn't change or that they ever have. I'm hoping if I don't have to deal with it will disappear but it stays, it lingers. I also hope that things don't all of a sudden go even more wrong in my life. I have this bad habbit of worrying and over analysing situations and pondering endlessly about how they will work out. In some ways I'm scared of getting it wrong, making mistakes and I know that everyone makes them. It's like if I really think that I'm making the right decision then it turns out it wasn't right, it would throw me. Whenever I faulter I'm warry of doing the same thing again and spiralling outta control.

" Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide"

Sometimes...

2005-10-20T15:16:00.000Z

Sometimes I think with my heart and not with my head. Sometimes I say things and don't think them through. Sometimes I expect people to understand what I mean, sometimes I don't and don't want them to. Sometimes the only person who has understood what I've said is me. Sometimes I don't even understand myself. Sometimes it's better to talk about things, sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. Sometimes I say things I don't mean, sometimes wish I could take the words back.

Just a note...

2005-10-20T14:55:00.000Z

To say that sometimes my blog entries may not make any sense. They sometimes are not meant to, sometimes it is just me saying exactly what is on my mind and I need a place to put my thoughts, not thinking them through but putting them down just as they are. I'm sorry if it makes no sense at all, as sometimes I just need to vent.

I...

2005-10-19T04:59:00.000Z

I would like to believe that everything is perfect. I would like to believe that the past doesn't matter and what is done is done but it's not always that easy. Okay, I hold grudges and dwell on what people say but that's who I am. I beat myself up inside till I'm black and blue. Again, that is me. The naïve part of me tells me that I can hide away and everything will sort itself out and you know what, sometimes I wish it would.

I miss looking forward to coming home at the end of the day - now I feel there's nothing to look forward to there. I miss spending time with my mum and sometimes I wish she was around more than she is. I understand that she has to work and she works so damn hard to give us all the things we have now, as she's the only earner in my house but sometimes I wish she was here more for no other reason than her just being here. It seems as though my home has become a place where most of us don't want to be anymore, which makes it feel empty.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen from one day to the next, whether he will be there when I wake up or when I come home from school, how long it will be, how many more Christmas' are left and if this one is the last. At the same time I can't forget what he said to me, maybe he was hating seeing me grow up, maybe he was trying to prtoect me in some weird way but I can't forget what was said.

I can't forget, I can't let go maybe that's the problem. If I said I didn't care I would be lying, because I do.

Over-analyse this...

2005-10-09T11:36:00.000Z

I over-analyse everything, even the littlest thing. Sometimes people will say things, in passing not meaning anything more than what they have just said and I'll sit there for hours just going over what they said. Going through some crazy process of what was said, how it was said, what it means, how I should reply. Somehow I think there must be something beneath the surface of what they have said. Even my best friend said if he could change one thing about me it would be to make me (to quote) 'question things less'. I mean it is true I beat myself up about it (what someone has said) not sure what they meant but 99.9% of the time they merely meant what they said nothing more, nothing less.

To be honest, I am more afraid of getting hurt mentally than I am physically. Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve, well for certain people, with others I am a clam, I shut myself away. I don't give much off about myself to people who I somehow think have bad intentions. Saying that I am not that great a judge of character and my past history of friend could tell you so too. I guess I want to see the best in people and genuinely believe they have no other motive, be it selfish or not, to be my friend. It's true what they say "True friends stab you in the front."

Ever after ©

2005-09-02T13:33:00.000Z

I close my eyes,
To get away - away from the craziness of the world.
You kiss me softly,
Whispering "Good night"
The wind brushes my face,
For a moment time stops.
I'm safe ; no one can see me,
In my own little cacoon,
Wrapped up safely,
Securely in your arms.
As I look up at you,
Your eyes tell me that it's going to be okay.
You kiss my forehead and hold me closer,
Like you are afraid to let me go,
And I don't want to leave.

Down time...

2005-08-16T19:33:00.000Z

Note: This is me having a rant about me, my life and stuff that's cluttering my head. I just need to vent, it may make no sense to anyone but me so yeh...

Maybe it's because exam results are on Thursday, maybe it's because I've been spending time by myself lately and have had too much time to think... I guess I've needed some 'me' time, time to think and to spend some time with my family which has all been cool. I mean don't get me wrong sometimes I need to be by myself to think and I like to alone sometimes, I think everyone needs that. (Totally off subject but today I made a chocolate cake and as stupid as this sounds, was quite proud of myself with how it turned out. Random I know.)

But I hate the way I can slip into this place. I can't really describe it but I get low. I mean I seem confident on the outside but I'm not sure I am, a lot of the time I don't think much of myself but then again I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks like that. Maybe I beat myself up too much, I mean I find it really hard to let go and move on. I think that's because a lot of things I have encountered in my life that aren't so good are constant or seem that way.

I was tidying my room yesterday and I found something I had written a while ago and at that time I had hit rock bottom, I was so confused. To read that made me feel quite sad as I realised it wasn't the first time I had written something like that.

Don't get me wrong there are things in my life that I am ever so thankful for and make my life so much better. Every cloud has it's silver lining and so does mine but sometimes my cloud is black. I get into this phase were I want to just hide and cry and think I'm not worth what I have, I can't really describe it, it's such a confusing feeling. And it's so hard to explain how it feels and what I'm feeling. But you can usually read my moods like a book even if I don't say it, I'm not good at hiding what I truley feel, to people who know me well.

I was thinking the other day that if my results are bad I don't quite know what I will do. I mean they may be good but I don't feel as though I have.

My best friend is coming round tomorrow and hopefully we will have a good time, actually I think we will. Maybe that's what I need.

Snoog rumpa?

2005-08-08T15:26:00.000Z

N.B Before reading this please note that this may turn into a very corny and / or random blog entry and excuse my bad spelling of Swedish words

For 9 days, from Friday the 29th July to the 7th August I have been on hoilday. I went to Sweden on a camping trip. It seems that we brought the English weather with us and rain was on the agenda most days. As far as I can recollect there was one day of sunshine but the rain did not spoil a good camp. Also sometimes the sun made an appearance after the rain.

Before we flew out to Sweden we arrived at Stanstead arirport, were we stayed for around 6 or 7 hours. I do not recommend sleeping on the hard airport floor but I had very good company with me to keep me sane :) . Anyway, during this time we found that the toilet was big enough to have a party in and that when we lie in the middle of the airport floor not many people say anything but upon seeing you are slightly shocked. Now, please note that not many shops are open at 12 midnight and you have to find ways to amuse yourself in those few hours you have to be at the airport, before your flight.

For most of the flight I slept and saw England disappear from the plane window.

When we arrived at the airport in Sweden we were picked up and met by some rain as we left the airport. On the way to the site we all slept till we got there and unloaded the mini bus.

When I got the campsite we went on a little walk around the site with our bags lol. We also got taken to our site that they called our 'village' for the week and we put up our tents, minding the mounds.

During the week I got to do lots and lots of funky things. I climbed a 10 and a half metre wall which was made out of scafolding, if I'm right, and that was mucho scary as it wobbled as you climbed it. I also tried again a second time to climb it but gave up about half wayish as it got too hard and my arms were hurting. But the guy made me do it again and I got to the top yay lol. Please note I am scared of heights.

That week I also went canoe orienteering but we didn't actually do the orienteering part (oops :P), we went round the lake instead seeing what we could find and venturing the little islands. When the sun came out the lake was beautiful and the water wasn't cold like I thought it would be. I was a bit scared at first but as soon as we got going it was all good. We stopped off for a break on a small island and sat for a while. The whole experience was cool and we didn't capsize once. :)

Also while I was on hoilday I made a leather belt with my name on the back and my intials at the side of the belt. I also had time to make a bracelet with my name on it to match. I decided to make use of the resources and made presents for my fmaily at home with key rings with their names on. All the letters for the names that were printed on were in viking.

Sometimes the language barrier made things harder but also amusing at time. We met a lot from Bristol with whom we made friends with. There were people from other countires there such as Holland and Germany but the majority of people there were Swedish.

We also stayed with a Swedish family after our camp was over and they were really nice and made us feel welcome. They had a really cute dog called Ebba who was very affectionate and excitable. I'm keping in contact with their daughter via email.

One of the higlights of my holiday was being able to go to sleep and wake up next to someone who means the a lot to me. It is one of the bestest (I know that is not a word) things. In the morning to get a huge hug and just to kiss them good morning is such a great feeling and to, at night say 'good night' and snuggle is also very funky. As corny as that saying is, he was the first thing I saw in the morning and last thing at night and it was very cool. I also got to spend lots of time with him and had mucho fun at the airport randomly lying in the middle of it with him :).

Usually during the summer I don't go on holiday or get to and going to Sweden has been great. Normally I would be sitting at home doing not much and moaning about life. However, this summer I got to do something different and got to experience and do all sorts of things I usually wouldn't have had a chance to do.

My "Little Wish List" update

2005-07-26T18:52:00.000Z

From my previous post of Little Wishlist. Here are some of the things / wishes :P that I have been granted from my wishlist so far;

* Some more badges for my satchel (p.s but some more would be nice, you can never have enough badges)
* A lil Moo for one of my satchels
* Rainbow stripey socks

Some non materialistic stuff:
* A Woo hug (but another one or two would be nice ;))
* A really fun and cool job that involves lots of interaction with people or kids (well sort of I'm doing a summer school now which is funky but it's only till Friday :( )
* To have someone who loves me no matter how old I get or how I awful I may look in the morning :)

The Only Person that Looses is Me ©

2005-07-24T20:53:00.000Z

You sit in the corner of my mind, never leaving me.
you evade my brain and scatter my dreams,
till they are nothing but fallen stars.
I close my eyes to sleep at night,
in my bed - the place meant to be my sanctity,
but you're still there - whispering your bitter words,
reminding me that you are yet to fade.
When I smile I feel empty,
the void of who I once was still remains.
False pretences lie behind cold eyes,
that tell me I am not welcome.
I can't hide as you sit there taunting me,
overshadowing whatever I do.
I'm still hurt but no one knows,
it's my ironic little secret.
It hides concealed where no one can see,
no one can touch.
And everytime I'm reminded that I don't matter,
not as much as you anyway.
My silent cry goes suffocated,
you don't,
you never will
and I won't tell you.

One of those crazy days...

2005-07-07T20:22:00.000Z

Today has been crazy, to say the least. By 'crazy' I mean that when you look back you think "jeez". I'm not going to go into what has happened today in London but I'm pretty sure people have heard. I thought that my brother may have been on one of the trains when the bombs went off but thank God he wasn't. (He had gone out to an interview and then was going to go to London after, also I didn't know where this interview was exactly).

So I decided to call my dad and see if he knew what was going on. He, to my suprise, had not even heard the news of it yet. He told me to try and get in contact with my brother. I thought I would wait till his interview was over just incase. I know this sounds silly but I knew that he would be okay but still a part of me worried. My mind was somewhere else when I was in my lesson. As soon as I got out I tried to call my home and my brother. With no avail. Finally I got through to my brother and he said that he wasn't going on the undeground (tube) and that he was going home. When I was on the phone to my brother he was trying to tell me to stop worrying and that it was all okay because I was crying at this point but it was scary. I rang my dad after and he was saying that my brother was slighty panicky and worried on the phone to him. It sounds silly because I knew he was okay but part of me couldn't help thinking what if...

It was a crazy day where everyone was trying to get through to relatives and friends to see if they were okay. Some people were even saying that they would never us the underground again but I guess you are in danger anywhere you go whether it be at home, at school etc. But I'm so thankful that my brother is okay. I feel for those who have lost their friends and family and those who have been hurt, I truly do.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

2005-07-03T18:35:00.000Z

I am an optimistic persimist. What I mean by that is that on the outside I am ever the eternal optimist but when it comes to on the inside and matters of myself I am a pesimist. The reason being that I sometimes feel like, as I may have said before, that usually when I think everything is going right in my life something comes along to muck it up again. Also in some ways I guess that if you expect the worst then it may hurt less but with me it hurts just as much lol. I guess I am just an emotional person and a pesmist because of previous events in my life (I know how lame that may sound). I am also a bit of a skeptic lol. I like to set myself up for a possible fall. I don't know I think it is just the way I am. Being a pesimist is my guard against the world if that makes any sense. I am an optimist when it comes to other people but hardly ever when it comes to myself.

Weezer =D

2005-06-16T14:17:00.000Z

Last night my boyfriend, his older brother and I went to see Weezer. They were amazing!! Rivers Cuomo was awesome and Weezer were just wow lol. All in all it was a funky night and the amosphere was really good. :)

Please note: I know my description was not that great, I will try to rectify it somehow and maybe edit this post when I am not over come with Weezerness lol

My life composed...

2005-06-14T13:33:00.000Z

I'm still not getting enough sleep but my exams are over now :) I think that was one of the major things that was getting to me but now I feel good. It's weird because I haven't felt like this for a while, I mean really good. Lack of sleep is making my immune system pooped and I'm getting a cold again but I will try my best to catch up on my sleep.

My weekend was good and set me in a positive mood for this week. I guess what contributes to it is that I'm keeping busy, when I stop and dwell then that's when all the nasties fill my head. I mean there are still alot of things that I have left to sort out and make sense of but I feel like some of the weights have been removed.

On Saturday I saw my boyfriend :) , then went to a carnival, then got invited back to a BBQ. As run of the mill as that sounds my day was cool and was not as awakward as I thought it would be (the BBQ I mean). On Sunday I worked with my best friend (Stephen - whom I've known 12 years in Septmeber) then after we finished work we went out to Pizza Hut and we just talked and it was funky because I feel like I'm rebuilding my friendship with him, as for a while we seemed to be drifting appart. It's hard when you go to different schools and it seems like we live different lives / in different worlds. Him in his - me in mine.

Everything just seems to fit at the moment. Part of me hates saying that becuase I always have this complex that as soon as I say things are going fine something comes along to muck it up. It's sort of a pattern I've found myself going through. I just hope that I'm not speaking to soon...

But for once I feel like I'm in control and some of the clouds that cluttered my head are clearing.

Sleep...

2005-06-05T20:11:00.000Z

The one thing that I probably need right now but the one thing that I cannot actually get any of. My body is tired, my brain is tired, heck I'm tired. However I still cannot get to sleep. I intended to go to bed early yesterday yet something was telling me I did not want to and I just couldn't shut down to go to sleep. So there I am, lying in bed at 12 midnight and I'm still not sleeping. Then I couldn't have a lie in because I had to go to work. Maybe the saying is true - No rest for the wicked... lol. I just needed to rant about how I can't sleep, not the most riveting post I know but...

Sleep would be nice right now...

One of my random reflective thoughts...

2005-05-29T21:01:00.000Z

I was thinking the other day about how even when things are a little crazy I always have that someone that I can turn to. Someone that I can talk to about anything, even if sometimes I am a bit of an idiot and take my bad moods out on them. I'm one of those people that has to know someone really well to consider them a friend if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong I have friends but only a few that I can truly say are my true friends who have stuck by me and know even the most craziest things about me - I can count those people on one hand. As crazy as that sounds I'm glad I can say that.

When I was younger I used to think that being popular and having mass of friends would be great. At school I always felt like I was one of the outsiders. Honestly, I wanted to be one of them I wanted to be part of "it", whatever "it" was. I mean even now there are times when I feel like I'm on the outside looking in but I feel like I fit now and not with the people that I used to want to be "in" with, now I'm glad don't. But those people who have so called "status", well sometimes certain phrases spring to mind. I mean we all get pissed off with our friends at some point and bitch about them, but then again real friends accept you for who you are and you don't feel pressured or uncomfortable around.

Don't get me wrong my cousin is one of those people who is popular and she is lovely, I'm not saying they are not. Just from my experience where I live they haven't always been the nicest to me, please don't get me wrong here I'm not type casting everyone with the same label. Also she is one of the coolest people I know and someone who I don't talk to that often but when we do we talk - we talk lol and we're close.

It's funny because some of the people that I don't talk to that often are some of the people that have always been there for me. I'm also glad that I have someone closer to home that I can confide in as well. :)

How my head hurties...

2005-05-23T18:47:00.000Z

This is me taking a break from revision to moan about revision... lol

My first exam is in two days time and its a bit of an understatement to say that I am worried. I always get like this before exams; feeling like I have left it too late to revise and am in a freezy of panick to get things done. Thankfully my sociology revision sheet for 'The Family' will soon be done. Right now I just need a break because my head hurts. It so crazy because so many believe in me and I just can't seem to muster the strength to believe that I can do this. It's just that having to resit two of my exams has really thrown me off course; instead of making me feel more determined it has made me feel useless. I just wish that I had more time... but ironically maybe it is better to have my exams now and not have to worry about them after half term (Note: I only have one exam after half term).

So this is me taking a break from my revision, ranting about my revision...

Little Wishlist

2005-05-04T19:24:00.000Z

Here is a wish list of things I would like. Please note some of these things may seem pretty weird but hey;

* An "I love my geek" T-shirt
* Some more badges for my satchel (especially a "Cheeky monkey" badge)
* A magnetic note board for the wall beside my bed with all my pictures on
* A lil Eeyore for one of my satchels
* A lil Moo for one of my satchels
* Driving lessons
* A house in the countryside
* A new folder for all my work (preferably an Eeyore one lol)
* Rainbow stripey socks
* An Animal hoodie, board shorts, surf skirt, bikini, belt and flip flops lol
* An Animal satchel thats big enough for my A4 folder
* Stripey or rainbow bed sheets

Some non materialistic stuff:

* A Woo hug
* To have my necklace from when I was baby all fixed because it's broken so badly it can never be fixed :(
* To get to know my grandparents better
* A really fun and cool job that involves lots of interaction with people or kids
* I wish that the bottom of my baby blanket could be made not so frayed as it went all poopey © in the wash
* To get into university and from that to be good at the job that I do and to enjoy it
* To be happy within myself and to have someone who loves me no matter how old I get or how I awful I may look in the morning :)
* To learn to love myself for who I am and accept my faults

Just a quote....

2005-04-18T20:14:00.000Z

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." ~ Gilda Radner

This is just a quote that when I read it made me think and in some ways I feel like I can kind of relate to it.

How the Cookie Monster crumbled

2005-04-13T19:19:00.000Z

Seasame Street's, Cookie monster will no longer be seen with his trade mark cookies I heard announced on the radio a few days ago. It is said that children are in need of being taught how to eat healthy due to the rise in obsesity. Instead of cookies, our funky blue friend will now eat to quote "more healthy" with a diet consisting of fruit and vegetables. Where are the cookies I hear you cry? Well it has been decided the cookies won't completely disappear off our screens as after all where would the Cookie Monster be without his cookies, instead he will only eat them occassionally and as a treat.

Oh and Elmo will now have a keen interest in exercise.

Taking this healhty eating idea further, they have also decided that some 'weight' will be taken off some of the characters who appear more 'filled out' than others so to speak. But saying that I think Big Bird wouldn't be Big Bird if he wasn't so... well, big lol. It gives him that fluffy, cuddly like quality. Also Mr Snuffellufigus, well if he had a erm 'trim round the edges' he just wouldn't be the loveable elephant he is or was. That is saying if Seamsame Street still has these characters, it's been a while since I've watched the programme unfourtunately. :(

Being a lover of Seasame Street, (well it was the programme of my childhood and I'm sure if it was on my screen again I would watch it lol) I just thought I would share the news.

Please note: The title of my blog is very silly and the Cookie Monster is still thriving not crumbling. (Play on words are terribel I know lol)

Personality first?

2005-04-09T17:00:00.000Z

Last night, I was sitting there talking to my brother and we saw this programme, which sparked off the question "Do you think it is true when people say the first thing they notice about someone is their personality?"

Now I don't think this is true. I mean when you meet someone, it has been said in the first couple of seconds (or something along those lines, I forget now), that a woman will decide if she likes someone or not. This is also backed up by an experiment carried out, where photographs of people's faces were taken to various stores and shown to employers. They were then asked of the people, purely by going on their photo who would the employer pick to work for them. It turned out that they picked the people deemed (probably by a consensus found before hand) most attractive. When asked why they made that choice, they said that they considered those people to be the most reliable and friendly from the array of photographs.

When you meet someone, once you get talking yes you may start to get a feel for their personality which helps you to decide whether you truely like them or not. However at the same time you also look at them for what they look like. Everyone has their own idea of what beauty is so this person may not be the most beautiful person to someone else but as they say "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." :)

I mean look at the example of high street shops, designer stores and hair salons, they go for a certain look, most who work there are attractive or "quirky" at the least. I guess in some ways it is a type cast, in some ways it is not. When you walk down the street you don't exactly look at someone and think "Oh, they have a nice personality." You look at what they are wearing, what they look like, if they are attractive or not.

Of course if you meet someone over the internet or talk to them on the phone then you don't see what they look like, as someone pointed out to me. But if it is face to face you do look at someone and judge them by their appearance.

Trail of thought......

2005-03-24T20:35:00.000Z

Please excuse me, I'm in a thoughtful mood today. I was just thinking about how I hate the future and someone said to me about how they hate the past.

Now as people most close to me know change scares me. I don't like the future as I don't know what is ahead, consequently I hate change because sometimes I have no control over it. Change can be good or bad. So really I hate something I have no control over, kind of ironic. I guess thinking about what is going to or might happen in the future is daunting. It just scares me the way one day things are one way and you never know what they may be the next. Tomorrow some of the people most close to me could be gone or all of a sudden it's all over. It has made me realise that as much as I moan and groan about the bad things in my life I may be should, as corny as this sounds and as the saying goes, 'Live for the moment.' Why should I be so afraid of something I have no control over? I guess change needs to happen to make things progress and without it, everything would be stuck the way it is. I just hate the not knowing, I mean it could go either way and you don't know till it actully happens. Genreally I prefer to take everyday as it comes..... (End of trail of thought)

The lesser of the two evils?

2005-03-05T15:55:00.000Z

It maybe because I'm tired or actually I don't know why else. But I've found myself going back to my old self. As in the crazy me, who does silly, random and weird things. Now I'm not too sure whether this is a good or bad thing. :S

I mean on one hand I think it's not good because people don't or didn't seem to like that part of me and were weirded out by my sudden acts of randomness either that or they just despaired.

However I have to admit, part of me likes that craziness in me because when I'm like that I'm just enjoying messing around. I'm not being down on myself or being quiet and moody, I'm just having fun. But then again I feel like if I'm going to be like that people, who are seeing me diffrently than they usually do, will go off me, if that makes any sense.

I guess it's kind of a pointless battle I'm having with myself between two things/moods that I maybe don't really have to change at all. I mean I can carry on being random but it doesn't mean it changes the way I am or the person I've become since then. I guess I'm just a little confused by it all as I haven't felt like that in a while.

When everything is going right, right?

2005-02-21T20:05:00.000Z

Sometimes just when you feel like everything is going right, something has to go wrong, right? Well that’s what I'm afraid of, a lot of the time when things are going right in my life and I feel on like I'm track, something usually happens to muck it all up again. There are things in my life that yes I am scared to loose, things that have made my life that little bit more easy when I’ve been having a rough ride. I guess I can't go round the rest of my life not taking risks becuase I would always think "what if?" I mean I don't want to look back and think of all those missed opportunities and what could have been. But it doesn't stop me from being afraid. I guess sometimes you have to take a risk or you may end up loosing. :s To be honest I don't quite know where I am going with this I just needed a little rambling session, so may just leave it here till next time.....

Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T21:33:00.000Z

Well as you know today is (or was depending on when you read this) Valetine's Day. I spent the day round my boyfriend, Edd's, house. The day started with present giving. He got me a very toasty and very cool Valentine's Day present. He got me a balloon in a jar. (Now if you have ever seen Winnie the Pooh you will understnad the concept of this) On one side of the jar he put the 'I Love You' and on the otherside he put a picture of me and him, that we both like, and a poem that he wrote me called 'Jam Jar' (named after the present).

We spent the rest of day spending quailty time with eachother. It wasn't a buch of roses or an expensive dinner, it was the best day anyone could have asked for. Like they say it isn't the amount you spend but the company that you spend it with. And there is no one else in the world I would have rather spent it with. :)

Pictures are up :D

2005-02-07T17:33:00.000Z

I now also have pictures up on my blog :) There's one of me with my Super Man t-shirt on (Super Moo lol) taken at my boyfriend's house; one of me on the last day of Year 11 with angel wings on; one of me dressed up as an Eskimo (eskamoo) had a lot of giggles when that picture was taken and last but no means least one of me with my boyfriend :D enjoy, if not you know the quick way to the exit :P....

My New Style Blog :D

2005-02-06T14:49:00.000Z

*In my best Oscar accepting voice* I would like to thank my boyfriend for making me a new style for my blog. lol :P

Well, this is my new style blog in a very sexyful pink, with a pretty "Asha Moo" peeking out in the background. It's not too loud a pink and it's easy on the eyes. ;) So here it is.... I hope you enjoy my new and greatly improved, looking blog. (Added wonderful extras coming soon)

And here I go again............

2005-01-31T15:30:00.000Z

And here I go again (I apologise now)..........Hmm lets weigh it all up shall we?! Well I’m getting a cold (insignificant I guess but still), my friends are going to Greenday next week but won’t say anything about it as they “Don’t want to upset me”. And if they do it ends up with a “Sorry” put on the end, in my direction. I really wanted to go, it was and still is the only thing I really wanted (for my birthday that happened in November, yes I am still upset pathetic I know), but I guess as the saying goes, you don’t aways get what you want, in my case I didn’t. I should be able to get over it and live with it but funnily enough I can’t (see what I mean about me picking on little things). I mean I would like to hear about how good it was and how they had a good time but oh no it may upset Asha, which I admit yes it does but still..........

As from last week I was jobless, you know how it goes first one in, last one out. And as much as I wanted to leave (eventually) I wanted to leave on my own terms not there’s. (I didn’t get fired btw the company couldn’t afford to pay all the staff and some had to leave and as Sod’s Law goes I was up) I now have my mum on my back, forcing me to get another job. I do miss work as crazy as that sounds but I want something, I don’t know better. The likelihood of me getting a job though and anyone wanting to employ me lets face it isn’t very high. Trust me a whole Summer of handing out CV's and getting no responses told me that one.

I was thinking about it and this Summer should be fun. (I’m being sarcastic, I know it’s the lowest form of wit but do you know what I don’t care) As much as I do want to go to this Summer school at university I know it won’t actually happen. It will probably end up like last year, me sitting at home, jobless may I add, while everyone else goes off with all these exciting places to go and things to do. It’s not that it is to quote “my fault” - try having a mum who works 24/7, a dad who is seriously ill, the likelihood of me going anywhere exciting let;s face it is slim. Then they coming back with news of what they did, who they saw, impressive tans, saying how tired they are from doing all these things etc. and what do I have to tell? Nothing. So I guess it’s back in a full circle to sitting doing not that much at all this Summer.

Because nothing is what I seem to do best. I seem to be lacking in anything exciting, yes I am a bore. When I do end up doing something it’s because people have taken pity on me or I’m doing something my friends do. In other words nicking their “thing”. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful but what have I ever done that is that original or by myself?! I wanted to go to Summer Uni but I have a funny feeling like I said before that won’t happen.

So here I’ll be still moaning and bitching about what I haven’t got, doing nothing, not going anywhere in particular.

Just the way I'm feeling

2005-01-29T13:23:00.001Z

I'm in a rambling mood so please excuse me if I make no sense. Sometimes I feel like I'm over emotional. I cry about the smallest things and take things that are insignificant personally. I feel like sometimes I'm a burden to people because I always go crying to them and just rant all the time about my problems. I know it's not good to keep everything bottled up but telling those people my problems all the time I feel like a weight on them and like I can't deal with my own problems and stand on my own to feet. Don't get me wrong I don't expect the answers or miracles, sometimes I just want someone there to listen and someone I can cry to. Sometimes I like to be alone but sometimes I need someone there. I never want to seem like a burden to anyone or incapable. When something is up I usually end up shouting at someone else for it and 99.9% of the time it isn't their fault at all and that makes me feel bad and like I’m a bad person. I don’t mean to take it out on them.

It's kinda weird because I've always had people give up on me in my life and walk away. Lets face it my track record with friends hasn't exactly been that great. But I've found a solid group of people who I'm pretty sure have no other motive than to be my friends, who haven’t walked away and have let me shout at or cry to them. (My thoughtful rant for the day =) )

My blog :)

2005-01-28T13:45:00.000Z

Hello and Welcome to the wonderful wold of me :p feel free to comment :)