Down time...
Note: This is me having a rant about me, my life and stuff that's cluttering my head. I just need to vent, it may make no sense to anyone but me so yeh...Maybe it's because exam results are on Thursday, maybe it's because I've been spending time by myself lately and have had too much time to think... I guess I've needed some 'me' time, time to think and to spend some time with my family which has all been cool. I mean don't get me wrong sometimes I need to be by myself to think and I like to alone sometimes, I think everyone needs that. (Totally off subject but today I made a chocolate cake and as stupid as this sounds, was quite proud of myself with how it turned out. Random I know.)
But I hate the way I can slip into this place. I can't really describe it but I get low. I mean I seem confident on the outside but I'm not sure I am, a lot of the time I don't think much of myself but then again I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks like that. Maybe I beat myself up too much, I mean I find it really hard to let go and move on. I think that's because a lot of things I have encountered in my life that aren't so good are constant or seem that way.
I was tidying my room yesterday and I found something I had written a while ago and at that time I had hit rock bottom, I was so confused. To read that made me feel quite sad as I realised it wasn't the first time I had written something like that.
Don't get me wrong there are things in my life that I am ever so thankful for and make my life so much better. Every cloud has it's silver lining and so does mine but sometimes my cloud is black. I get into this phase were I want to just hide and cry and think I'm not worth what I have, I can't really describe it, it's such a confusing feeling. And it's so hard to explain how it feels and what I'm feeling. But you can usually read my moods like a book even if I don't say it, I'm not good at hiding what I truley feel, to people who know me well.
I was thinking the other day that if my results are bad I don't quite know what I will do. I mean they may be good but I don't feel as though I have.
My best friend is coming round tomorrow and hopefully we will have a good time, actually I think we will. Maybe that's what I need.
Snoog rumpa?
N.B Before reading this please note that this may turn into a very corny and / or random blog entry and excuse my bad spelling of Swedish wordsFor 9 days, from Friday the 29th July to the 7th August I have been on hoilday. I went to Sweden on a camping trip. It seems that we brought the English weather with us and rain was on the agenda most days. As far as I can recollect there was one day of sunshine but the rain did not spoil a good camp. Also sometimes the sun made an appearance after the rain.
Before we flew out to Sweden we arrived at Stanstead arirport, were we stayed for around 6 or 7 hours. I do not recommend sleeping on the hard airport floor but I had very good company with me to keep me sane :) . Anyway, during this time we found that the toilet was big enough to have a party in and that when we lie in the middle of the airport floor not many people say anything but upon seeing you are slightly shocked. Now, please note that not many shops are open at 12 midnight and you have to find ways to amuse yourself in those few hours you have to be at the airport, before your flight.
For most of the flight I slept and saw England disappear from the plane window.
When we arrived at the airport in Sweden we were picked up and met by some rain as we left the airport. On the way to the site we all slept till we got there and unloaded the mini bus.
When I got the campsite we went on a little walk around the site with our bags lol. We also got taken to our site that they called our 'village' for the week and we put up our tents, minding the mounds.
During the week I got to do lots and lots of funky things. I climbed a 10 and a half metre wall which was made out of scafolding, if I'm right, and that was mucho scary as it wobbled as you climbed it. I also tried again a second time to climb it but gave up about half wayish as it got too hard and my arms were hurting. But the guy made me do it again and I got to the top yay lol.
Please note I am scared of heights.That week I also went canoe orienteering but we didn't actually do the orienteering part (oops :P), we went round the lake instead seeing what we could find and venturing the little islands. When the sun came out the lake was beautiful and the water wasn't cold like I thought it would be. I was a bit scared at first but as soon as we got going it was all good. We stopped off for a break on a small island and sat for a while. The whole experience was cool and we didn't capsize once. :)
Also while I was on hoilday I made a leather belt with my name on the back and my intials at the side of the belt. I also had time to make a bracelet with my name on it to match. I decided to make use of the resources and made presents for my fmaily at home with key rings with their names on. All the letters for the names that were printed on were in viking.
Sometimes the language barrier made things harder but also amusing at time. We met a lot from Bristol with whom we made friends with. There were people from other countires there such as Holland and Germany but the majority of people there were Swedish.
We also stayed with a Swedish family after our camp was over and they were really nice and made us feel welcome. They had a really cute dog called Ebba who was very affectionate and excitable. I'm keping in contact with their daughter via email.
One of the higlights of my holiday was being able to go to sleep and wake up next to someone who means the a lot to me. It is one of the bestest (I know that is not a word) things. In the morning to get a huge hug and just to kiss them good morning is such a great feeling and to, at night say 'good night' and snuggle is also very funky. As corny as that saying is, he was the first thing I saw in the morning and last thing at night and it was very cool. I also got to spend lots of time with him and had mucho fun at the airport randomly lying in the middle of it with him :).
Usually during the summer I don't go on holiday or get to and going to Sweden has been great. Normally I would be sitting at home doing not much and moaning about life. However, this summer I got to do something different and got to experience and do all sorts of things I usually wouldn't have had a chance to do.
